This sounds like the premise of a Wes Anderson movie:
The School of Life.
By the way, Darjeeling Limited: eh. The man is spiraling into mediocrity.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Protest, Pt. 3
Finally, finally, finally reaching the end of this. So close it burns! Hard to believe I started this back in late December. I'm afraid I am not prolific. At all. Below is an excerpt.
Here's the other posted parts of it: A Protest against Heavens, Pt. 1, Pt. 2.
The light seemed filtered down here, sterile and harsh as it shone down through the trees and illuminated us. A group of young Muslims arrived and stood giggling at us before one courageously stepped up to debate PJ. He looked studious, vaguely handsome, with wire-frame glasses and a light wisp of a beard. He wore a blue, short-sleeve button-up shirt with khakis and started telling us about Jannah, the afterlife in Eden that awaits. Perpetual fruits and perpetual shade inside eight gates, each level divided a hundred degrees. The end of righteousness, without hurt, sorrow, fear or shame — where every wish is fulfilled. Exquisite banquets served in priceless vessels by immortal youths. And beneath it all flow rivers. He told us that in Islam there is no original sin, everyone is pure until their own actions condemn them. We liked that. He told us that all children go to heaven, no baptism required, and we agreed that this was indeed a good and a fair rule. But when he started telling us about the 72 virgins that awaited martyrs and didn't that sound good, well, PJ couldn't hold back any more.
"That right there is exactly what we are talking about!" he said. "That, that's what rationalizes murder, it gives madmen righteousness, it justifies the unjustifiable, sir. It gives the highest ideals to the lowest crime--"
Craig stepped up behind him and PJ shut his mouth. We began to worry that this was about to become another situation, another South Will Rise Again. "You kill for god and you get on the fast track to heaven? That's no kind of heaven I'd ever want to see."
"No, you see, that's not what I meant, it is a place for legitimate martyrs," the guy said. "Mohammed says that those who commit suicide are forbidden to even smell heaven."
"And yet the doctrine gets stretched, it gets bent," PJ said.
"If suicides never get to smell heaven," said Crag, "then why have so many committed suicide in the name of jihad, in the name of Allah, hoping to gain his favor?"
"It is a perversion of my religion. They have been lied to."
"Exactly!" Craig waved his arms. "The entire history of heaven is a lie, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Missionary work, the Jihads. All of it, its all a manipulation."
"No, I--"
"You promise someone that death is not the end and you open up a door to all kinds of disaster for them to walk right through. For instance--"
"You're not letting me--"
"For instance, for instance I think it was maybe Christoph Luxenberg maybe. He argued that the word huri, the word that you think means 'wide-eyed virgins' or some other horseshit, huri actually means, get this, it means white grapes. It means virgins in Arabic, sure, whatever, yeah, but its a misread from the original Aramaic. They're found all the time in Christian descriptions of heaven--pure white grapes."
"That is just---"
"So these," Craig started laughing, "these suicide bombers are going to be expecting beautiful women, a whole universe of women to pleasure them, and all they'll be getting are some shitty fucking grapes!"
The poor guy was redfaced and stood there watching Craig laugh at him.
"Listen, I--" PJ started.
"More importantly, they won't even get grapes. All they'll get is a mouth full of dirt poured on their charred remains after they're tossed like pigs into an unmarked hole in the ground. Now get the fuck out of my face," Craig said and flicked his cigarette at the guy. We were startled, aghast, this was not how we operated. We had known Craig to be angry, abrasive, arrogant, self-righteous even, but never like this. He was compromising our message, he was generating backlash. We were worried the Muslim guy would punch Craig in the face but he just said a prayer and left.
Here's the other posted parts of it: A Protest against Heavens, Pt. 1, Pt. 2.
The light seemed filtered down here, sterile and harsh as it shone down through the trees and illuminated us. A group of young Muslims arrived and stood giggling at us before one courageously stepped up to debate PJ. He looked studious, vaguely handsome, with wire-frame glasses and a light wisp of a beard. He wore a blue, short-sleeve button-up shirt with khakis and started telling us about Jannah, the afterlife in Eden that awaits. Perpetual fruits and perpetual shade inside eight gates, each level divided a hundred degrees. The end of righteousness, without hurt, sorrow, fear or shame — where every wish is fulfilled. Exquisite banquets served in priceless vessels by immortal youths. And beneath it all flow rivers. He told us that in Islam there is no original sin, everyone is pure until their own actions condemn them. We liked that. He told us that all children go to heaven, no baptism required, and we agreed that this was indeed a good and a fair rule. But when he started telling us about the 72 virgins that awaited martyrs and didn't that sound good, well, PJ couldn't hold back any more.
"That right there is exactly what we are talking about!" he said. "That, that's what rationalizes murder, it gives madmen righteousness, it justifies the unjustifiable, sir. It gives the highest ideals to the lowest crime--"
Craig stepped up behind him and PJ shut his mouth. We began to worry that this was about to become another situation, another South Will Rise Again. "You kill for god and you get on the fast track to heaven? That's no kind of heaven I'd ever want to see."
"No, you see, that's not what I meant, it is a place for legitimate martyrs," the guy said. "Mohammed says that those who commit suicide are forbidden to even smell heaven."
"And yet the doctrine gets stretched, it gets bent," PJ said.
"If suicides never get to smell heaven," said Crag, "then why have so many committed suicide in the name of jihad, in the name of Allah, hoping to gain his favor?"
"It is a perversion of my religion. They have been lied to."
"Exactly!" Craig waved his arms. "The entire history of heaven is a lie, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Missionary work, the Jihads. All of it, its all a manipulation."
"No, I--"
"You promise someone that death is not the end and you open up a door to all kinds of disaster for them to walk right through. For instance--"
"You're not letting me--"
"For instance, for instance I think it was maybe Christoph Luxenberg maybe. He argued that the word huri, the word that you think means 'wide-eyed virgins' or some other horseshit, huri actually means, get this, it means white grapes. It means virgins in Arabic, sure, whatever, yeah, but its a misread from the original Aramaic. They're found all the time in Christian descriptions of heaven--pure white grapes."
"That is just---"
"So these," Craig started laughing, "these suicide bombers are going to be expecting beautiful women, a whole universe of women to pleasure them, and all they'll be getting are some shitty fucking grapes!"
The poor guy was redfaced and stood there watching Craig laugh at him.
"Listen, I--" PJ started.
"More importantly, they won't even get grapes. All they'll get is a mouth full of dirt poured on their charred remains after they're tossed like pigs into an unmarked hole in the ground. Now get the fuck out of my face," Craig said and flicked his cigarette at the guy. We were startled, aghast, this was not how we operated. We had known Craig to be angry, abrasive, arrogant, self-righteous even, but never like this. He was compromising our message, he was generating backlash. We were worried the Muslim guy would punch Craig in the face but he just said a prayer and left.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
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