small monuments

-Hello?

-Quick, tell me what to do with my life.

-Join the circus.

-Hate elephants. Hate them. Wanna punch clowns in the face.

-Ok, get married, have some kids, work a job you hate for 20 years to put them through school and hope one them eventually says ‘I love you.’

-Those kids will wind up drug addicts dying together in a ditch filled with dog shit. Next option.

-You sound like you’re freaking out.

-That’s because I’m freaking out, sweetie.

-I’m not your sweetie. We broke up, remember?

-I’m freaking out, stranger. I’m about to start throwing punches at work.

-Don’t do that. It’s a bad idea. What happened?

-Bad day. Filled with idiots. The usual, you know.

-Find a new job?

-Ok, there’s option #1. Already trying. Option #1 is to just keeping working here, going slowly insane while I apply for newer and better editorial jobs preferably at a university press, reading something interesting. I have been pursuing Option #1 for several months. From the moment I started. Ok, so that’s Option #1. Option #2 is sell all my possessions and move to India.

-Don’t go to India. The Ganges is filled with AIDS.

-Ok, so sell all my possessions and move to Prague. Maybe teach English.

-But then what do you do when you come back? Won’t you just be in the same position?

-Yes. That is the flaw in Option #2. I have a wonderful, life-affirming adventure but if and when I come back I need to figure this all out again.

-Can you do that? Teach English? You have no teaching experience.

-Don’t need any. There are companies that train you. I’ve got a cousin that did it in Thailand for two years. All need is a BA and American citizenship. Honey, I got both.

-Don’t call me honey.

-Option #3, honey. I go back to school for an MFA in creative writing.

-Why wouldn’t you go for a PhD in something? Seems like more of a career path.

-Which is Option #4. You’re jumping ahead now. The problem with Option #3 is that I am already 30 grand in the hole for loans for a master’s degree I don’t use and which I can not afford to pay back. The pros: I like to write. I want to write. I want to publish.

-You can do that on your own.

-Can I? I haven’t published anything yet, have I?

-I think you should get a PhD.

-And the problems with Option #4 are: what if I don’t get in anywhere; what if I only get in to bumfuck Nebraska University; what if there is no funding for what I want to study; what if I can’t find a job in my field afterwards, its very competitive you know, what if I can only find a job at bumfuck Nebraska University? I lived in a sleepy college town already. I did that already. For six years. That is over for me. I am on to other things. And if I really want to write shouldn’t I devote myself to that? To make a go of it while I still have the time and desire and talent and very little bitterness?

-You can take writing classes while you take PhD classes. I vote Option #4.

-Option #5 is I become a hobo.

-I vote Option #5.

-Are you fucking anyone?

-Ugh! Goodbye.

-I love you.

click

-Tell me what to do with all this life.